KNOCKOUT

AN EPIC TALE OF FIGHT AND VICTORY
by Bonnie and Anita
aliases NoodleNeck and MeatMan

The looming, towering NoodleNeck, a staggering FIVE FEET TALL, had definitely earned the prefix to her name ['Notorious']. Her glistening and amazingly sculpted muscles clearly stood out in the dim light of the waiting room. In the few minutes of the boxing match, she took a couple deep breaths and did a couple hundred pull-ups as a warmup. Smiling an evil smile, which revealed a perfect set of shining white teeth, she flexed proudly in front of the mirror. She was ready.
Her boxing partner, MeatMan, was JUST AS TALL as her, even if a bit shorter. BUT THIS HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HAD NO EFFECT ON HER FIGHTING POWERS. Her name of Monstrous MeatMan had been given to her because of her muscles which had been developed by carrying NoodleNeck everywhere, and also lifting their house as they moved from town to town. She was buff. No question about it. As she finished running the 189th mile on the treadmill, she grinned widely at Notorious NoodleNeck. The two, together known as the Delectable Duo, were unstoppable and had won wide international acclaim.
No wonder the two guys in the opposite room were trembling. Ben and Preston, known on stage as Chubby Chopsticks and Frightening Fork, were sitting on the bench with desolate and desperate looks on their faces. How had they come to this? WHY DID THEY DESERVE THIS? All they could do is brace themselves against the awesome power of these two muscle-women. Though Chopsticks and Fork were both skilled fighters, they had heard terrifying stories from the survivors of the Delectable Duo's beatings. Chopsticks was short and buff. Fork was tall and buff. What a match. They were known as the Tabletop Two.
They heard the megaphone crackle, and then... "HERE THEY ARE!: CHUBBY CHOPSTICKS AND FRIGHTENING FORK!"
The pair rose reluctantly from their seats on the bench and tentatively tiptoed out into the boxing ring. Lukewarm applause was heard, and they, with sinking hearts, stepped into their corner and allowed their attendants to fit them with the proper gear.
"AND NOW, THE WORLD FAMOUS, THUS FAR UNDEFEATED MONSTROUS MEATMAN AND NOTORIOUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODLENECK!"
The smoke gave the two guys a momentary silhouette of their soon-to-be-opponents. Discovering that they were both a little bit taller than the two, and much more scary-looking, the Tabletop Two started to grin and smirk in their little corner. Punching Fork on the elbow [which was the highest part of Fork he could reach], Chopsticks joked, "Hey, they don't sound so horrible."
As the Delectable Duo walked onstage, they waved coolly to their screaming fans, graciously signing many a waving autograph book. The girls walked into the ring, donned their protective gear, and flexed their muscles.
The Tabletop Two was not intimidated, unfortunately. Their mistake.
The referee, MANLY MUSCLED MIGHTY MASSIVE MICHAEL, was a retired boxer who had already outlived his glory days. He liked pistachios. And he continued his legacy of amazing boxing skills by refereeing the next generation.
"FIRST," he announced grandly, "THE INTIMIDATION ROUND!!!! TABLETOP TWO...BEGIN!!!!" He gestured forcefully at the two.
The Tabletop Two ripped off their shirts, roared, and beat their chests, jumping up and down and throwing fits. The platform shook. Fans cheered. The lights flickered. They were certainly scary. But the Delectable Duo was not shaken.
MeatMan and NoodleNeck applauded politely. Even though they could obviously do better.
"AND NOW FOR...THE DELECTABLE DUO!!!!!!!!!"
MeatMan and NoodleNeck shook their heads wildly, letting their hair fly loose and wild. They roared. They yelled. They shouted. They made the bleachers shake with their immense force. And they hadn't even begun their war dance. Chanting magical phrases such as 'Yo mama yo mama yo mama' and serenading each other with beautiful renditions of 'Phantom of the Opera' and 'I Wanna Be Bad,' the two girls rocked the ring, the audience, and the rest of the world.
Pei, in China, sighed as her ceiling began to rumble again. "Those two," she muttered good-naturedly. "I knew they would make it far." Pei had been their accountant and finance manager, finally getting the Delectable Duo famous.
Back at the boxing ring, things were heating up. "THERE WILL BE THREE FIGHTING ROUNDS," shouted Manly Muscled Mighty Massive Michael above the crowd. "FIRST WILL BE NOODLENECK VS. CHOPSTICKS! SECOND WILL BE MEATMAN VS. FORK! LAST WILL BE TWO ON TWO! AAAAAAND, THE FIRST ROUND BEGINS IN THREE--"
MeatMan and NoodleNeck cracked their knuckles.
"TWO--"
Chopsticks and Fork cracked their necks.
"ONE--"
Both teams roared simultaneously.
"START!!!!!"
Notorious NoodleNeck ran forward, summoning her awesome starch powers in preparation for her signature move. Chopsticks grunted. Quivering with effort, he concentrated on finding and channeling his chi. And then!
"OH! LOOK AT THAT! WITH LIGHTNING SPEED, NOTORIOUS NOODLENECK HAS PERFORMED HER NASTY NOODLE NOOGIE! IS THIS THE END OF CHUBBY CHOPSTICKS?"
Chopsticks was on the ground, groaning. "My...chi...is...gone," he moaned. "I can't take it...."
"NOTORIOUS NOODLENECK IS RELENTLESS! WATCH! SHE MOVES IN FOR HER FINISHING MOVE! THE PERFECT PASTA PUNCH! OH! IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD FOR CHOPSTICKS!"
NoodleNeck thrust her fist into the air victoriously. "YES," she bellowed with a bloodthirsty gleam in her eye. "I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!" And she performed a vunderful victory dance with her partner MeatMan.
"YOU ARE SO LOVELY," said MeatMan admiringly. "BEATING HIM WITH SUCH STYLE."
"YOU ARE LOVELY AS WELL," said NoodleNeck modestly. "YOUR TURN TO THRASH AN ENEMY WITH STYLE."
Meanwhile, Fork had dragged Chopsticks back into the corner and was waving a fan in front of his face to try to revive him. "Don't worry man," reassured Fork. "I'ma WIN THIS BATTLE."
Chopsticks grunted.

"THE SECOND BATTLE," Manly Muscled Mighty Massive Michael declared. "FRIGHTENING FORK FROM THE TABLETOP TWO VERSUS MONSTROUS MEATMAN FROM THE DELECTABLE DUO. THE DUEL BEGINS IN THREE--"
NoodleNeck and MeatMan did a manly chestbump.
"TWO--"
Fork and Chopsticks performed their secret handshake.
"ONE--"
Both teams laughed evilly.
"START!!!!!"
Fork and MeatMan ran forward. At first, Fork looked around cluelessly at his eye level. "Whut...where'd she go?"
"OH!!!!!!" exclaimed Michael excitedly. "OH!!!! CAN IT BE? MEATMAN IS PREPARING FOR HER FAMOUS...OH NO! LOOK OUT, FORK! IT'S MEATMAN'S SIGNATURE MOVE: BALONEY BLAST!!!!!!!"
For a split second, Fork looked down and spotted a distant figure becoming charged with power. Then--BAM!
Fork was thrown out of the ring with the force of the explosion. And that wasn't the worst of it. "OHHHHH!! OHHHH!!! OH MAN!!!!!! THAT WAS DEFINITELY BELOW THE BELT, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT!!!!" Manly Muscled Mighty Massive Michael shouted happily.
Fork was unconscious.
"WE PAUSE WITH A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR AS FORK AND CHOPSTICKS ATTEMPT TO RECOVER FROM THEIR UNBELIEVEABLE INJURIES!"
"Gimme that," said a sarcastic sounding voice. "Is this thing even on? Gawsh, I'm going to SUE THE MEGAPHONE COMPANY."
The crowd went wild. LIZZY SWEL? THE AMAZING CONQUEROR OF THE MOON AND MARS? This was an unheard of honor.
"Anyway. Are you listening to me? OMGTTLYBBQ. Yeah. That's what you guys sound like. SHUT UP!"
There was silence.
"That's right," she cackled with one of her trademark evil laughs. "Yeah. So I was just advertising this. If you don't pay me your taxes, I'll come get you in your sleep and yell at you until your ears fall out. And then my minions will take over your house. Oh the horror. Got it?"
There was nodding.
"I would like to remind you that as am appeasement for late taxes, I would like cheesecake, applesauce, sushi, or ice cubes."
There was more nodding.
"I like applesauce."
Manly Muscled Mighty Massive Michael reclaimed the megaphone. [Lizzy chucked a screaming fangirl at him.] "ANYWAYS, THEY'RE ALL BETTER," he announced. "SO...THE THIRD ROUND! BOTH TEAMS WILL BE FIGHTING EACH OTHER, TWO ON TWO! THE DOUBLE DUEL! SO LET THE FIGHTING COMMENCE IN THREE--"
NoodleNeck and MeatMan performed 50 jumpingjacks in the space of 1 second.
"TWO--"
Chopsticks and Fork struck heroic, manly poses.
"ONE--"
Both duos stamped their feet and performed amazing breakdancing feats.
"START!!!!!!"
The two teams ran to the center of the ring.
"OH! THIS IS TOO GOOD! LOOK AT THOSE TWO GIRLS! THEY'RE GATHERING ENERGY BY SINGING! AND LOOK! THEY'RE PREPARING A COMBO! THE TABLETOP TWO ARE NO MATCH FOR THEM!"
MeatMan and NoodleNeck fused their energy stores! They concentrated hard! They used telepathy! And LO AND BEHOLD--
"CRASHING CANNEROZZETTI AND CRUNCHY CHICKEN COMBO! OH! IT'S NEVER BEEN MORE SYNCHRONIZED! THE BEAUTY! THE FORM! THE WONDER!"
A moment later, Chubby Chopsticks and Frightening Fork were sitting dazed, stunned, and completely knocked out as the two girls triumphantly bared their teeth and flexed their muscles for the trailing paparazzi, posing for the photographs and signing the various posters shoved into their faces.
"THE TWO GIRLS HAVE WON! MONSTROUS MEATMAN AND NOTORIOUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODLENECK HAVE ONCE AGAIN CLAIMED THE WORLD TITLE! FOR THE FIFTH YEAR IN A ROW!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY SMASHING PERFOMANCE, LADIES! AND LET'S HAVE A HAND FOR THE NOBLE NON-WINNERS, OR THE LOSERS, CHUBBY CHOPSTICKS AND FRIGHTENING FORK!"
"WE ARE VICTORIOUS AGAIN," shouted MeatMan contentedly to Noodleneck.
"YES WE ARE MY DEAR," shouted NoodleNeck, looking flustered. "MEATMAN?"
"YES DARLING?"
"WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
MeatMan gasped and sobbed with exhiliration.
The crowd went wild.

The rest is history.