<briseis>

I went on a church fellowship camping/retreat thing that was a blessing in the midst of two-a- day football practice which is soreness, hard work, blood and sweat. Less blood, more sweat.
It was amazing. There's just some kind of natural intimacy from living, breathing, singing, praying, worshiping, living, cooking, huddling.
Were were sending off New Life seniors, [high school fellowship] and the head of New Life [Tung Do] was stepping down.
Everyone was laughing, reminicing about old times, then crying after peple began spontaneously stepping up to encourage the Seniors with life, how much they meant, and the future college, walk with God. Everone was blaming it on the smoke~
It was... a beautiful night.
Fire crackling, smores, hugs. . .
That moment, for me, defines fellowship. For a moment there, we weren't just a bunch of kids brought together by church, love for God, openness and worship... we were family. Communtity.
This could be, but isn't a shout out. y'know... come to Church! Go with me to Friday night fellowship!
But it's about something I learned in that moment.

Tung gave us a short but sweet lesson the morning after. He said that all of us yearn for something eternal. The soul yearns for eternal things. And when you start substituting non eternal things... whether it be intelligence, friends, relationships and intimacy; whether it be power or riches or grades...all eventually disappoint. Life becomes lacking. Can tell that something's missing.
And the yearning is unfufilled.

All except religion. God.

Everyone is chasing something. Worshiping something.
And the revelation hit me. It was so simple, but...
All I need is fellowship. a communitity. A family to rely on. I didn't need the approval of my sports coaches, ddin't need so many friends, didn't need relationships and girls to make me happy, secure.
Fellowship. Which I believe is something deeper than simple freindship... like where you can say 'I love ya, dawg' to another guy and he'll either laugh or right back atcha. It's where everyone's a brother or sister in Christ and everyone is open, caring, listening, joking.
Sure we argue, but the next day, it's fine. A 'lil cussing, but y'know...^^" We'd prolly get sick of each other after the first week.

But I realised that God is all I need. Where God is, there will be fellowship. Love, mercy, forgiveness... so dang abstract but... I can live without Anita. Secure, strong, caring... I don't need a girl, I've realized. Because ultimately, honestly, she only goes so far into my life. But God is everywhere, everything. . . He's so real...
I feel freer, somehow.
Of course, I'm still in love with Anita pretty badly. She's sweet, compassionate, caring. Loveable, hugable... one of those girls that are one of a kind amazing. Faults, but I'm okay with that.
But I've just realized that I've been letting her dictate my life. I'd be doing things for her, in her name, looking towards her for inspiration.... not that it's such a bad thing. In the name of love? There are plenty worse.
But now I know, well, I answer to something higher.
And that I'm under grace. Freedom. I've figured out what I want to leave behind, a 'legacy' of sorts, I've figured out for what I wanna live my life, how I want to.

Liberation, I think.